Motivation

Big news this week! I hit my goal weight of 190. Well, truth be told, I was 190.8 yesterday and today I'm back up to 191.2. BUT...I knew nothing would probably happen quickly with the reproductive assistance group, so I went ahead and notified them that I hit my goal weight, knowing I would have a few days to “cement” it. They confirmed that the next step is to get me matched with a family. I'm super excited about this, but also covering that whole process in prayer that I will get matched with the family God has already picked out for me to do this for.

Now that I've lost 35 lbs, my physical appearance is different; smaller. People notice and tell me how great I look, etc., blah, blah, blah. I try to be gracious and not roll my eyes, but knowing the whole purpose for this is to get pregnant, which will cause me to gain the weight back, does not make me super excited about the weight loss, other than for the fact that it allows me to move forward with being a carrier. Now that more and more people are finding out why I've lost the weight and why I've started running, I'm starting to get comments like, “I just wish I could find the motivation” or “I just need to get motivated to lose weight/start exercising/start running”, etc. God has taught me several things in this process/journey that have nothing to do with being a carrier. First of all, all the excuses I used to tell myself about why I couldn't lose weight are no longer valid. I can do it, and I now know what I have to do to do it. So once I am finished being a carrier, even though I will probably never be bound to a number on the scale, I have no excuses for not being healthier and there are some things I've learned along the way that can and should become a part of my lifestyle. Second, about the whole motivation thing...I've learned that I will never, naturally, on my own, just magically become motivated to lose weight, exercise, run, count calories, watch what I eat, etc. If I wait for the motivation to come, I will wait forever and never do it. It's a necessary evil, like unloading the dishwasher, putting away laundry, cleaning the house, or grocery shopping. I don't particularly enjoy doing any of those things, but I also don't like my kitchen sink full of dirty dishes, being unable to find clean clothes, living in a dirty house, or not having food in the house. Counting calories and exercising are necessary 'evils' that I must do in order to be healthy. Motivation to do it this time was forced upon me so I could accomplish the goal of being a gestational carrier. Once I'm done with that phase of life, I will have no more excuses.