So on Monday I started running. No one is more shocked about that as I am. I've always said the only reason I will ever run is if someone is chasing me with the intention to harm me. I hate running! I have lots of friends who are runners -- 5K's, mini and whole marathons, triathalons. I could never identify with them. I've heard of a "runner's high" -- I can't EVEN imagine! Nothing about it to me seems enjoyable. I can't even believe it's come to this. I just never thought of myself as a runner. But the other day, my friend, Paula, came over to drop something off. I invited her to come in. She and I had gone walking together a few times, and it's so much easier to do any form of exercise when you have someone to do it with you, so I asked her if she was free to walk this week. She explained that she was going to take up running again. She had run a 5K a time or 2 before and felt like she wanted to do that again. Paula's not a runner either. She hates every second of it. She says she doesn't become more energetic, but conversly feels completely zapped of energy when she runs. But she wants to be healthy and lose weight, so she's going to try it again. Paula is a little older than me. Her kids are in college and high school. She and I have similar body types and activity levels. All my other friends who run are crazy, psycho runners who love it and are skinny and live for the next race, blah, blah, blah. Paula was the first person I'd come across who actually made me feel like maybe I could do it. And we could do it together. She had run in the past but had stopped and it was going to be like starting all over for her, so I decided to go along for the ride...or run.
She uses a C25K app on her phone (which stands for couch to 5K). It's a really cool app and totally free! On day one, which for me was Monday, you start out doing a 5 minute walking warm up. Then you alternate between running for 60 seconds and walking for 90 seconds for a total of 20 minutes. Then you do a 5 minute walking cool down. The app allows you to listen to music on your phone at the same time and will interupt your music to tell you when it's time to walk or run. So...I did it and I survived. It actually wasn't that bad. There were a few times that I was surprised the 60 second run was over and I could have gone longer. It's set up for you to work out 3 days a week, gradually progressing to more running each week, with the being able to run a 5K in 9 weeks. I'm still not totally convinced, but we shall see.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
What now?
So once a person decides she wants to become a surrogate, how does she go about doing that? As I've shared with people that I am pursuing becoming a gestational carrier, I get asked that question a lot. I found a reproductive assistance company in Cincinnati that helps place surrogates and gestational carriers with families who are wanting that service. Shortly after I delivered my third child, my desire to become a gestational carrier had not wained and I knew it was something I wanted to pursue. Even though I wasn't ready to start the process yet, I filled out the 15 page carrier application and submitted it, just to see if they would even consider me. If the door was going to be closed, I wanted to know so I could stop thinking about it. Very shortly after submitting my application, I got a call and was told that I would be a great candidate. Just to give a little insight, there are several factors that could have easily precluding me from being able or even wanting to do this. First of all, they will only accept someone as a carrier who has only had 1 c-section. I have very large babies...9 lbs 7 oz, 9 lbs 11 oz, and 8 lbs 15 oz. Had they known my first was going to be that big, I probably would have been told I had to have a c-section, which would have set me up for that for the rest of my pregnancies. I did have one c-section with my last, and ironically, my smallest (she was posterior, AKA sunny side up). Scott and I always knew we wanted 3 kids. We were going to stop after 3 regardless. Even though 3 boys would have been fun and I would have gotten along just fine with that outcome, of course I did really long to have at least one of each gender. After having 2 boys, I remember saying to Scott when I was pregnant with Sawyer, before we knew she was a girl, that if that baby was a boy I don't know if I could be a gestational carrier because if I carried a girl for someone else and didn't have one myself, that might be too hard. So Sawyer being a girl (her name was going to be Sawyer even if she'd been a boy), confirmed that this was something I am supposed to do.
So I'd been accepted. The next step was to have stopped breast-feeding for 2 months. By the beginning of April of 2012, that goal had been accomplished. I was ready to actually start the process. There were OB/GYN records and a letter from my doctor (stating no known reason why I can't be a carrier) to be obtained and submitted, a home visit from the president of Reproductive Assistance Inc, and lengthy psychological evaluations and screenings for both Scott and me. Check, check, check. Everything has gone pretty smoothly and moving in the right direction. The most difficult part of the whole process is losing weight. I have to be down to 190 before I can be matched with a family and start on fertility drugs. I started out at 225 and I've lost 25 lbs, so I'm doing really well (by the grace of God alone), but I still have 10 lbs to go. I recently decided that I probably won't be able to lose much more just with diet alone. I'll have to, dun, dun, dun...EXERCISE! Say it isn't so!
I've gone through phases in my life when I've exercised regularly. I really don't mind it all that much, and feel good when I do it. But as a mom with 3 small children, it's not a priority for me and hard to fit into my schedule. I feel like I'm running after children all day -- isn't that exercise enough? When I first started trying to lose weight to become a carrier, I started wearing a pedometer. I decided if I didn't naturally throughout the course of the day walk 10,000 steps (5 miles), I would go for a walk in the evening. I was not shocked to learn that most days I walk 10,000 steps without even trying. This plan helped me get 25 lbs off, but I'm kind of stuck with 10 more lbs to go. The problem with this plan is, when you naturally walk 10,000 steps a day by not even trying, that's not doing anything your body's not used to doing. I wasn't any kind of skinny so 10,000 steps a day was no great accomplishment, and something my body was used to.
I don't think losing weight is easy for anyone. But this is why it has been difficult for me. I've never been very insecure about my weight or body (especially as an adult). Although I want to be healthy and I feel better when I exercise, the goal for me has never been to be a certain weight on the scale or fit into a particular size of clothes. Right or wrong, I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin. I enjoy cooking and eating and don't want to be a glutton, but really enjoy food and don't associate a lot of guilt with eating what I want. I am naturally active enough that, even though I am overweight, I don't think of myself as sloppy or lazy. Because I've never really tried to lose weight before, I didn't know how hard it would be. My husband had great success with counting calories with a free iPhone app. So that was my first strategy. That didn't turn out to be as easy for me as it was for him. I have always been against diets. I just know I can't make a diet that cuts out entire food groups or types of foods as a lifestyle, so I'd never dieted before. I decided I would try a diet since this was for a specific purpose and not something I would plan to adhere to forever. I did a low carb diet and had pretty good success with that. It was almost like my body needed that to get a jump start and realize what I was trying to do. I did that for as long as I could, and now I'm back to counting calories again, which I've had better success with this time. As of this morning, I was 200 lbs exactly. I have to be at 193 before I can "get the ball rolling" any further as a carrier. Tomorrow I'll talk about my recent venture to help further that goal.
So I'd been accepted. The next step was to have stopped breast-feeding for 2 months. By the beginning of April of 2012, that goal had been accomplished. I was ready to actually start the process. There were OB/GYN records and a letter from my doctor (stating no known reason why I can't be a carrier) to be obtained and submitted, a home visit from the president of Reproductive Assistance Inc, and lengthy psychological evaluations and screenings for both Scott and me. Check, check, check. Everything has gone pretty smoothly and moving in the right direction. The most difficult part of the whole process is losing weight. I have to be down to 190 before I can be matched with a family and start on fertility drugs. I started out at 225 and I've lost 25 lbs, so I'm doing really well (by the grace of God alone), but I still have 10 lbs to go. I recently decided that I probably won't be able to lose much more just with diet alone. I'll have to, dun, dun, dun...EXERCISE! Say it isn't so!
I've gone through phases in my life when I've exercised regularly. I really don't mind it all that much, and feel good when I do it. But as a mom with 3 small children, it's not a priority for me and hard to fit into my schedule. I feel like I'm running after children all day -- isn't that exercise enough? When I first started trying to lose weight to become a carrier, I started wearing a pedometer. I decided if I didn't naturally throughout the course of the day walk 10,000 steps (5 miles), I would go for a walk in the evening. I was not shocked to learn that most days I walk 10,000 steps without even trying. This plan helped me get 25 lbs off, but I'm kind of stuck with 10 more lbs to go. The problem with this plan is, when you naturally walk 10,000 steps a day by not even trying, that's not doing anything your body's not used to doing. I wasn't any kind of skinny so 10,000 steps a day was no great accomplishment, and something my body was used to.
I don't think losing weight is easy for anyone. But this is why it has been difficult for me. I've never been very insecure about my weight or body (especially as an adult). Although I want to be healthy and I feel better when I exercise, the goal for me has never been to be a certain weight on the scale or fit into a particular size of clothes. Right or wrong, I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin. I enjoy cooking and eating and don't want to be a glutton, but really enjoy food and don't associate a lot of guilt with eating what I want. I am naturally active enough that, even though I am overweight, I don't think of myself as sloppy or lazy. Because I've never really tried to lose weight before, I didn't know how hard it would be. My husband had great success with counting calories with a free iPhone app. So that was my first strategy. That didn't turn out to be as easy for me as it was for him. I have always been against diets. I just know I can't make a diet that cuts out entire food groups or types of foods as a lifestyle, so I'd never dieted before. I decided I would try a diet since this was for a specific purpose and not something I would plan to adhere to forever. I did a low carb diet and had pretty good success with that. It was almost like my body needed that to get a jump start and realize what I was trying to do. I did that for as long as I could, and now I'm back to counting calories again, which I've had better success with this time. As of this morning, I was 200 lbs exactly. I have to be at 193 before I can "get the ball rolling" any further as a carrier. Tomorrow I'll talk about my recent venture to help further that goal.
The Call
There are really only 2 things I have ever aspired to be in life...a wife and a mother. I went to school to be a teacher, and enjoyed that. That experience has allowed me to do my current career of being a preschool director. I'm grateful for the education, gifts and abilities God has allowed me to have. But I've never been very career driven. From the time I was a little girl, I remember wanting more than anything to be a mommy when I grew up. As a Christian, I knew the only acceptable way to attain that goal was by being a wife first. And I did want that too, but if I'm honest, I would say I probably wanted to be a mom even more. This is kind of a dangerous mind set because it would be easy for someone who is so caught up in mothering to not nurture and work on her marriage. Through a brief marriage and divorce that I went through in my early 20's, God taught me a lot about this. When God brought Scott to me and I realized I was getting a second chance in the marriage arena, I took it very seriously and wanted to do it right. Scott and I read tons of books about marriage and learned a lot about putting God first, each other second, and children third in marriage. One thing that sticks out to me the most (I can't even tell you now where I read it), was the fact that this person you marry will be with you for 50 plus years (hopefully), but your kids will only be with you for 18 years. That's not to say that as a parent we won't have influence over our children and relationships with them for all of our lives, but the idea is that you only live with them for 20 years or so. That's not even half the time of how long a marriage should last. That seems like common sense, but so many people get consumed by their children and all that is involved with rearing them (which can be overwhelming and exhausting), and leave their spouses in the dust. I know so many people who divorced after their kids were grown because they hardly know each other after the kids were gone, and once that common goal of rearing them was over they felt they had nothing in common anymore. How sad! I don't think grown children take to their parents divorcing much better than young children do. The consequences are just different. I don't want that to happen to me or my kids, and I want my kids to live witnessing an example of a godly marriage (failing though as we often do).
With that said, there still has been no greater joy in my life than being a mom. Even though it is exhausting and overwhelming, it's a pleasure and an honor, and something I could not imagine not being able to experience. For many, many years the idea of being a surrogate has swirled around in my head. I always kind of thought that would be a neat thing to do for someone. After the birth of my 2nd healthy baby, I really started to form ideas about becoming a surrogate. I had had such great pregnancies, deliveries and healthy babies. If Scott and I wanted to get pregnant, we pretty much thought about it and it happened. From the time I got pregnant with Selleck (my first) to the time I got pregnant with Sawyer (my last), I'd been pregnant 4 times in 5 years -- there was 1 miscarriage in there. All throughout that time I also seemed to be surrounded by close friends and family members who struggled with fertility. I felt so fortunate and somewhat guilty at the same time. I decided I would want someone to be a surrogate for me if having babies didn't come so easily for me. I also thought it takes people like me, who get pregnant easily and have good pregnancies, to be surrogates. I started researching surrogacy and reading articles written by people who had been surrogates. I prayed a lot about it and decided it was something I wanted to pursue after my own family was complete and absolutely knew I could do.
I feel God has called, equipped, and prepared me to be a surrogate. Although, I should stop here and clarify. The definition of a surrogate is someone who uses her own egg. I will actually be a gestational carrier, carrying another couples' embryo which will not be mine biologically in any way. I'll just be the incubator. :) I can't even really explain it, other than I feel it is something I have to do and I want to do. You would know how much this doesn't make sense if you knew how much I dislike being pregnant. Although, in some ways I think that also makes me the perfect candidate for surrogacy. So many people have said that they've always thought a person who does this must love being pregnant, and some probably do. I, however, can't wait to get that thing out of me. For me, it is a means to an end. I bond with the baby during pregnancy more than I probably realize (this was made aware to me when I had my miscarriage), but overall the process of pregnancy for me is miserable and something I have to put up with to have a child. I'm sure I can't possibly fully prepare myself for what it will be like to carry a baby and then give it to someone else. But I do know that I have no desire to have another baby myself and from the moment I become a gestational carrier, the baby won't be mine. The goal is not to add to my family, but to give an incredible gift to someone else. Adoption is awesome and wonderful and I know many people who have done that. I'm extremely supportive of adoption and think it's a wonderful way to create a family. It's not uncommon for people to have a child through a surrogate and then go on to adopt as well. I know there are some people who want the experience of having a biological child and I feel called to help someone achieve that. I'll be sharing more about this in later posts and chronically my journey as a gestational carrier through blog as well.
With that said, there still has been no greater joy in my life than being a mom. Even though it is exhausting and overwhelming, it's a pleasure and an honor, and something I could not imagine not being able to experience. For many, many years the idea of being a surrogate has swirled around in my head. I always kind of thought that would be a neat thing to do for someone. After the birth of my 2nd healthy baby, I really started to form ideas about becoming a surrogate. I had had such great pregnancies, deliveries and healthy babies. If Scott and I wanted to get pregnant, we pretty much thought about it and it happened. From the time I got pregnant with Selleck (my first) to the time I got pregnant with Sawyer (my last), I'd been pregnant 4 times in 5 years -- there was 1 miscarriage in there. All throughout that time I also seemed to be surrounded by close friends and family members who struggled with fertility. I felt so fortunate and somewhat guilty at the same time. I decided I would want someone to be a surrogate for me if having babies didn't come so easily for me. I also thought it takes people like me, who get pregnant easily and have good pregnancies, to be surrogates. I started researching surrogacy and reading articles written by people who had been surrogates. I prayed a lot about it and decided it was something I wanted to pursue after my own family was complete and absolutely knew I could do.
I feel God has called, equipped, and prepared me to be a surrogate. Although, I should stop here and clarify. The definition of a surrogate is someone who uses her own egg. I will actually be a gestational carrier, carrying another couples' embryo which will not be mine biologically in any way. I'll just be the incubator. :) I can't even really explain it, other than I feel it is something I have to do and I want to do. You would know how much this doesn't make sense if you knew how much I dislike being pregnant. Although, in some ways I think that also makes me the perfect candidate for surrogacy. So many people have said that they've always thought a person who does this must love being pregnant, and some probably do. I, however, can't wait to get that thing out of me. For me, it is a means to an end. I bond with the baby during pregnancy more than I probably realize (this was made aware to me when I had my miscarriage), but overall the process of pregnancy for me is miserable and something I have to put up with to have a child. I'm sure I can't possibly fully prepare myself for what it will be like to carry a baby and then give it to someone else. But I do know that I have no desire to have another baby myself and from the moment I become a gestational carrier, the baby won't be mine. The goal is not to add to my family, but to give an incredible gift to someone else. Adoption is awesome and wonderful and I know many people who have done that. I'm extremely supportive of adoption and think it's a wonderful way to create a family. It's not uncommon for people to have a child through a surrogate and then go on to adopt as well. I know there are some people who want the experience of having a biological child and I feel called to help someone achieve that. I'll be sharing more about this in later posts and chronically my journey as a gestational carrier through blog as well.
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