What now?

So once a person decides she wants to become a surrogate, how does she go about doing that?  As I've shared with people that I am pursuing becoming a gestational carrier, I get asked that question a lot.  I found a reproductive assistance company in Cincinnati that helps place surrogates and gestational carriers with families who are wanting that service.  Shortly after I delivered my third child, my desire to become a gestational carrier had not wained and I knew it was something I wanted to pursue.  Even though I wasn't ready to start the process yet, I filled out the 15 page carrier application and submitted it, just to see if they would even consider me.  If the door was going to be closed, I wanted to know so I could stop thinking about it.  Very shortly after submitting my application, I got a call and was told that I would be a great candidate.  Just to give a little insight, there are several factors that could have easily precluding me from being able or even wanting to do this.  First of all, they will only accept someone as a carrier who has only had 1 c-section.  I have very large babies...9 lbs 7 oz, 9 lbs 11 oz, and 8 lbs 15 oz.  Had they known my first was going to be that big, I probably would have been told I had to have a c-section, which would have set me up for that for the rest of my pregnancies.  I did have one c-section with my last, and ironically, my smallest (she was posterior, AKA sunny side up).  Scott and I always knew we wanted 3 kids.  We were going to stop after 3 regardless.  Even though 3 boys would have been fun and I would have gotten along just fine with that outcome, of course I did really long to have at least one of each gender.  After having 2 boys, I remember saying to Scott when I was pregnant with Sawyer, before we knew she was a girl, that if that baby was a boy I don't know if I could be a gestational carrier because if I carried a girl for someone else and didn't have one myself, that might be too hard.  So Sawyer being a girl (her name was going to be Sawyer even if she'd been a boy), confirmed that this was something I am supposed to do.

So I'd been accepted.  The next step was to have stopped breast-feeding for 2 months.  By the beginning of April of 2012, that goal had been accomplished.  I was ready to actually start the process.  There were OB/GYN records and a letter from my doctor (stating no known reason why I can't be a carrier) to be obtained and submitted, a home visit from the president of Reproductive Assistance Inc, and lengthy psychological evaluations and screenings for both Scott and me.  Check, check, check.  Everything has gone pretty smoothly and moving in the right direction.  The most difficult part of the whole process is losing weight.  I have to be down to 190 before I can be matched with a family and start on fertility drugs.  I started out at 225 and I've lost 25 lbs, so I'm doing really well (by the grace of God alone), but I still have 10 lbs to go.  I recently decided that I probably won't be able to lose much more just with diet alone.  I'll have to, dun, dun, dun...EXERCISE!  Say it isn't so! 

I've gone through phases in my life when I've exercised regularly.  I really don't mind it all that much, and feel good when I do it.  But as a mom with 3 small children, it's not a priority for me and hard to fit into my schedule.  I feel like I'm running after children all day -- isn't that exercise enough?  When I first started trying to lose weight to become a carrier, I started wearing a pedometer.  I decided if I didn't naturally throughout the course of the day walk 10,000 steps (5 miles), I would go for a walk in the evening.  I was not shocked to learn that most days I walk 10,000 steps without even trying.  This plan helped me get 25 lbs off, but I'm kind of stuck with 10 more lbs to go.  The problem with this plan is, when you naturally walk 10,000 steps a day by not even trying, that's not doing anything your body's not used to doing.  I wasn't any kind of skinny so 10,000 steps a day was no great accomplishment, and something my body was used to.

I don't think losing weight is easy for anyone.  But this is why it has been difficult for me.  I've never been very insecure about my weight or body (especially as an adult).  Although I want to be healthy and I feel better when I exercise, the goal for me has never been to be a certain weight on the scale or fit into a particular size of clothes.  Right or wrong, I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin.  I enjoy cooking and eating and don't want to be a glutton, but really enjoy food and don't associate a lot of guilt with eating what I want.  I am naturally active enough that, even though I am overweight, I don't think of myself as sloppy or lazy.  Because I've never really tried to lose weight before, I didn't know how hard it would be.  My husband had great success with counting calories with a free iPhone app.  So that was my first strategy.  That didn't turn out to be as easy for me as it was for him.  I have always been against diets.  I just know I can't make a diet that cuts out entire food groups or types of foods as a lifestyle, so I'd never dieted before.  I decided I would try a diet since this was for a specific purpose and not something I would plan to adhere to forever.  I did a low carb diet and had pretty good success with that.  It was almost like my body needed that to get a jump start and realize what I was trying to do.  I did that for as long as I could, and now I'm back to counting calories again, which I've had better success with this time.  As of this morning, I was 200 lbs exactly.  I have to be at 193 before I can "get the ball rolling" any further as a carrier.  Tomorrow I'll talk about my recent venture to help further that goal.