The Call

There are really only 2 things I have ever aspired to be in life...a wife and a mother.  I went to school to be a teacher, and enjoyed that.  That experience has allowed me to do my current career of being a preschool director.  I'm grateful for the education, gifts and abilities God has allowed me to have.  But I've never been very career driven.  From the time I was a little girl, I remember wanting more than anything to be a mommy when I grew up.  As a Christian, I knew the only acceptable way to attain that goal was by being a wife first.  And I did want that too, but if I'm honest, I would say I probably wanted to be a mom even more.  This is kind of a dangerous mind set because it would be easy for someone who is so caught up in mothering to not nurture and work on her marriage.  Through a brief marriage and divorce that I went through in my early 20's, God taught me a lot about this.  When God brought Scott to me and I realized I was getting a second chance in the marriage arena, I took it very seriously and wanted to do it right.  Scott and I read tons of books about marriage and learned a lot about putting God first, each other second, and children third in marriage.  One thing that sticks out to me the most (I can't even tell you now where I read it), was the fact that this person you marry will be with you for 50 plus years (hopefully), but your kids will only be with you for 18 years.  That's not to say that as a parent we won't have influence over our children and relationships with them for all of our lives, but the idea is that you only live with them for 20 years or so.  That's not even half the time of how long a marriage should last.  That seems like common sense, but so many people get consumed by their children and all that is involved with rearing them (which can be overwhelming and exhausting), and leave their spouses in the dust.  I know so many people who divorced after their kids were grown because they hardly know each other after the kids were gone, and once that common goal of rearing them was over they felt they had nothing in common anymore.  How sad!  I don't think grown children take to their parents divorcing much better than young children do.  The consequences are just different.  I don't want that to happen to me or my kids, and I want my kids to live witnessing an example of a godly marriage (failing though as we often do). 

With that said, there still has been no greater joy in my life than being a mom.  Even though it is exhausting and overwhelming, it's a pleasure and an honor, and something I could not imagine not being able to experience.  For many, many years the idea of being a surrogate has swirled around in my head.  I always kind of thought that would be a neat thing to do for someone.  After the birth of my 2nd healthy baby, I really started to form ideas about becoming a surrogate.  I had had such great pregnancies, deliveries and healthy babies.  If Scott and I wanted to get pregnant, we pretty much thought about it and it happened.  From the time I got pregnant with Selleck (my first) to the time I got pregnant with Sawyer (my last), I'd been pregnant 4 times in 5 years -- there was 1 miscarriage in there.  All throughout that time I also seemed to be surrounded by close friends and family members who struggled with fertility.  I felt so fortunate and somewhat guilty at the same time.  I decided I would want someone to be a surrogate for me if having babies didn't come so easily for me.  I also thought it takes people like me, who get pregnant easily and have good pregnancies, to be surrogates.  I started researching surrogacy and reading articles written by people who had been surrogates.  I prayed a lot about it and decided it was something I wanted to pursue after my own family was complete and absolutely knew I could do. 

I feel God has called, equipped, and prepared me to be a surrogate.  Although, I should stop here and clarify.  The definition of a surrogate is someone who uses her own egg.  I will actually be a gestational carrier, carrying another couples' embryo which will not be mine biologically in any way.  I'll just be the incubator.  :)  I can't even really explain it, other than I feel it is something I have to do and I want to do.  You would know how much this doesn't make sense if you knew how much I dislike being pregnant.  Although, in some ways I think that also makes me the perfect candidate for surrogacy.  So  many people have said that they've always thought a person who does this must love being pregnant, and some probably do.  I, however, can't wait to get that thing out of me.  For me, it is a means to an end.  I bond with the baby during pregnancy more than I probably realize (this was made aware to me when I had my miscarriage), but overall the process of pregnancy for me is miserable and something I have to put up with to have a child.  I'm sure I can't possibly fully prepare myself for what it will be like to carry a baby and then give it to someone else.  But I do know that I have no desire to have another baby myself and from the moment I become a gestational carrier, the baby won't be mine.  The goal is not to add to my family, but to give an incredible gift to someone else.  Adoption is awesome and wonderful and I know many people who have done that.  I'm extremely supportive of adoption and think it's a wonderful way to create a family.  It's not uncommon for people to have a child through a surrogate and then go on to adopt as well.  I know there are some people who want the experience of having a biological child and I feel called to help someone achieve that.  I'll be sharing more about this in later posts and chronically my journey as a gestational carrier through blog as well.